Darkness will befall us all. Our fates have been sealed. Nighttime will etch a lightless scar across the continental United States mid-day Monday. Is it some divine retribution we as a country must suffer for electing a petulant trust fund with dementia into the highest office? Or is it some naturally occurring though infrequent cosmic event? I have no idea. What do I look like, an astro-political scientist?

Whatever the reason, the total solar eclipse is happening and it is a once-in-a-lifetime affair. Well, not exactly; the last total solar eclipse in the Lower 48 happened in 1979, but this is the first that will be visible from coast to coast since 1918. Suffice to say, the upwards of three-minutes of afternoon darkness are a big deal (I’m only slightly concerned the sun will take those few minutes of alone time to escape and leave our steaming clusterfuck of country behind until we can figure our shit out).

As thousands of Americans journey towards the northwesterly drifting center of the nation to be covered in mid-day night, they will be far from home and not necessarily in the most populated areas. This means good coffee may be hard to come by, which we presume will be a necessity to stay awake when a random case of the sleepies hits for no particular reason. But don’t worry, we’ve got you covered. We’ve studied our star charts and city guides, our astrolabes and our Build-Outs of Summer, to bring you a list of the best cafes to exist in the totality of the solar eclipse. So grab a cup of coffee (black, of course) and enjoy the show. Glasses on!

Is your favorite cafe going to be cast in total darkness for three minutes mid-day Monday? Add it to our crowd-sourced map.

Zac Cadwalader is the news editor at Sprudge Media Network.

*top image via The Old Farmers Almanac

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