Breaking news from five years ago: Eater reports there are really a lot of Australians working in American coffee.

Perhaps it was one of the 16 Bluestone Lane cafes in New York that tipped them off. Or maybe it was the 15 other Bluestone Lane cafes outside the city. Or perhaps it was this 2014 (!) Oliver Strand article for the New York Times with an identical premise.

Because Eater’s feature was written by an Australian, it includes claims that Australians invented avocado toast (they didn’t) and flat whites (also not them). Here’s an excerpt:

“When you walk in to an Australian cafe it’s going to be fun, lively, welcoming, you can kind of go there and feel comfortable and not feel like you’re walking into a science lab… it’s that mentality that we’re trying to replicate here,” says Ryan de Remer, owner of Sweatshop, which opened in 2014 in Williamsburg, Brooklyn and now counts 11 Australians on staff. “Back in Melbourne you don’t go for the biggest coffee with the most caffeine, everyone sits and chills. The American coffee gets too focused on the product.”

Presumably the hit single Am I Wrong? by Nico and Vinz played whilst this quote was issued (or perhaps even Iggy Azalea, though that’s a bit on the nose) because evidently we have time traveled back to 2014. Australians are everywhere in North American coffee, and this isn’t news—it was news, several years ago, and was duly reported on then, but we live in the present, not the past. Right? Right??

Other shudderingly obvious features built on outdated premises we look forward to reading this weekend include:

LA Times: Tacos Seem A Trend Of Late
Chicago Tribune: City Cold In Winter, Warm In Summer
Pitchfork: Hyped New Record Not That Great
Us Weekly: Jennifer Aniston Exists
Tech Crunch: Founder Goals Include Disruption 
Philadelphia Inquirer: Eagles Win Super Bowl; Fans Hurl Praise, Batteries
High Times: Weed Is Tight

Zac Cadwalader is the news editor at Sprudge Media Network and a staff writer based in Dallas. Read more Zac Cadwalader on Sprudge.

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